Turn the Beat Around. But Without the Disco.
Whoa. That first entry sounded really negative. Apparently, if I'm ever to get better, I need to think positively. Sounds like an after-school special, doesn't it?
"Gee, Billy, if only you weren't so negative, maybe you wouldn't be so miserable all the time!" one kid would shout. Maybe he'd look Latino. Gotta have a diverse cast.
"You know, Pedro, you're absolutely right!" Billy, a white boy (which indicates his role as protagonist), would suddenly cry, as the inspiration truck of obviousness smacked him. "All this time, if only I'd known--being happy is truly up to me! Golly, this isn't such a lousy ol' world after all."
Then they'd get full-fat ice cream with some hot Asian chick and a nerdy dark-haired not-yet-woman with glasses. And maybe a puppy would tag along, too.
In the real world, however, changing one's thinking patterns is less like cheesy television and more like crawling from the bottom of a deep, dark pit when you've no strength left, your head swirls from a dizzying array of miseries, but you've got to fight gravity anyway, dammit, or you'll die. And for some reason, despite the crippling depression slicing your forearms, choking your consciousness, you don't want to surrender. Yet.
Peopleaphobia is my fake term for social anxiety disorder (SAD), which sounds just as madeup. News flash: No one is perfect. Everyone struggles with some kind of demon, even though some people prefer not to acknowledge their faults. SAD, or peopleaphobia, describes the stupid and irrational fear that some people have--of other people. Imagine that your entire life--everything: your thoughts, feelings, actions, words (or lack thereof), and so on--is under intense scrutiny, and if you mess up, even in the tiniest way, you'll be cruelly punished. And you're never spared, no matter how minor your transgression.
That's what it's like for me. Normal things, like chatting with clients, scheduling an appointment, or even being assertive, give me all kinds of anxiety. In fact, the sickness gets so bad that I'll do almost anything to avoid it. Obviously, this is unhealthy.
So I'm trying to change things. But, just like that kid and that woman sang in Pete's Dragon, it's not easy.
"Gee, Billy, if only you weren't so negative, maybe you wouldn't be so miserable all the time!" one kid would shout. Maybe he'd look Latino. Gotta have a diverse cast.
"You know, Pedro, you're absolutely right!" Billy, a white boy (which indicates his role as protagonist), would suddenly cry, as the inspiration truck of obviousness smacked him. "All this time, if only I'd known--being happy is truly up to me! Golly, this isn't such a lousy ol' world after all."
Then they'd get full-fat ice cream with some hot Asian chick and a nerdy dark-haired not-yet-woman with glasses. And maybe a puppy would tag along, too.
In the real world, however, changing one's thinking patterns is less like cheesy television and more like crawling from the bottom of a deep, dark pit when you've no strength left, your head swirls from a dizzying array of miseries, but you've got to fight gravity anyway, dammit, or you'll die. And for some reason, despite the crippling depression slicing your forearms, choking your consciousness, you don't want to surrender. Yet.
Peopleaphobia is my fake term for social anxiety disorder (SAD), which sounds just as madeup. News flash: No one is perfect. Everyone struggles with some kind of demon, even though some people prefer not to acknowledge their faults. SAD, or peopleaphobia, describes the stupid and irrational fear that some people have--of other people. Imagine that your entire life--everything: your thoughts, feelings, actions, words (or lack thereof), and so on--is under intense scrutiny, and if you mess up, even in the tiniest way, you'll be cruelly punished. And you're never spared, no matter how minor your transgression.
That's what it's like for me. Normal things, like chatting with clients, scheduling an appointment, or even being assertive, give me all kinds of anxiety. In fact, the sickness gets so bad that I'll do almost anything to avoid it. Obviously, this is unhealthy.
So I'm trying to change things. But, just like that kid and that woman sang in Pete's Dragon, it's not easy.
posted by J. Carryll Thomas at 8:53 PM
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